And the world still turns as it did before, well maybe a bit faster.
So many things have kept me from writing. I miss it, I miss you my readers and fellow bloggers. So first there was the camping with my narcissistic friend that left me so emotionally drained afterward my head was spinning. Yes, this was the same friend who had set me up with a guy who was taken. long story, past post so as not to stray too far I was still proud of myself for being aware of most of the emotional blackmail that was happening and trying to learn from it. lol I should just leave that part to my therapist who is very qualified but well that’s just not my style. I love a good challenge and it was that indeed. My love for psychology and my drive to untangle all that is me I just couldn’t resist.
Who knows, maybe this drive is what set off a collage of migraines but I do know that it surely didn’t help. So while I took some time off to recover from the hike up Beacon rock and back down after we crawled through the ice caves at Mt. Adams I was done for. I really did it to myself this time. I can always look back in hind site and see just where it was I agreed to do something that I knew I shouldn’t. It was always done in a slight and manipulative way so that it was more my idea.
Oops, I did it, got off topic anyhow, so this time i took off I couldn’t tolerate the 80 degree whether , the sun was just too much and then the words were too loud and the ringing would start in at night . My therapist recommended I talk with my Dr. about migraines and before I knew it I was in his office getting a shot of Imetrex and he was reciting a bunch of medication names I could barely understand let alone pronounce. All I understood was that his idea was to break the cycle of migraines and do a procedure called trigger point injections. sounded simple enough he said it was pretty routine and so I signed the consent forms and started deep breathing to help from passing out at the sight of needles. Also a new thing since I’ve gotten older, a weird phobia of needles.
So now I’m sitting on the side of the exam table holding the hand of the nurse who is telling me it will be numb, soon and it will be a faint memory. 9 injections in my left shoulder blade area and down along the muscle next to my spine and another 9 on the right side. The right side was much more painful and I had to try really hard to flinch each time the needle went in but I survived. I get about halfway home and realize I am super thirsty and have a weird taste in my mouth like really gross liquid meds. I take a small sip off my water bottle and am eager to wash it away when it spills out of my mouth. yes , my throat went numb. I couldn’t swallow no matter how hard I focused and told myself to swallow which by the way is not natural to do. Haha.
Trying not to freak out I called the Dr. office back and told them what procedure I just had done and what was happening to which they replied call 911 for an ambulance or just drive myself to the emergency room. So I drove not certain what was going to happen next. I get there and really start to feel panic set in when describing what has happened and they amazingly rush me back to process me and in the middle of getting checked in I tried another sip and it went down. Just as soon as I felt the cold of the water slide down my esophagus I cringed with pain as if someone had just jammed a knife in my back right between my shoulder blades. With every breath in and out the pain got worse and so did my anxiety. It took everything I had in me not to freak out right there.
The nurse came in and asked my symptoms again repeating back to me every word but again fixating on my throat issue being it closing or constricting and again having to tell them I could breath just not swallow. about ten minutes later the Dr. came in and at that point my body is folded in half with pain and I’m ripping at the bed sheets to keep from screaming in pain. The tears are rolling down uncontrollably and all I can think of is that I was just supposed to go in for a simple procedure and I left my kiddos with a neighbor and my phone is dying. I can’t stand the idea of disrupting their schedule because everyone pays for it for days. He runs through all the things that I have now told everyone in there like for the third time and this time I can’t really think through the pain and am just responding with a yes or no and he says he believes I might have whats called a traumatic pneumothorax. Otherwise known as a punctured lung from the procedure I had just had done. Of course the X-ray confirmed it so. Thank god it wasn’t bad enough for a chest tube and they said with the measurement of 3 centimeters that they didn’t want to extract the air with another needle because of the risk of puncturing it again.
Yah me. When it rains here it pours! they let me go home late that night at my request so I could get my kiddos back on schedule and reassure my little’s mamma will be O.K. with the promise I would come in the next morning and I did and it got a bit worse but they half expected it would before it would get better, and that’s not it. They had me come back a week later to follow up only as a reassurance that I was better because these types of injuries usually resolve on their own and guess what … not only had it not resolved but now my left lung has collapsed. with another week to wait I was going crazy. Don’t get me wrong I was so relieved that my migraine was gone and now I could think straight again but now I could hardly catch my breath which was really annoying.
In the meantime as I’m healing up nicely I have had the pleasure of turning thirty on august 31st and as much as I tried to stay out of the loop so not much drama could entail it did. as always. My mother called a few times and I lost it when her narcissistic side kicked in and she used my situation to score points with her new hubby who decided to impress her with all his wise advice that they just had to impress upon me and I lashed out at her. I love her and yes like a child I keep going back for more knowing full well I will be burned and when I did it still hurt just the same. At least with the new therapist I have I can set up some new boundaries to help keep me burn free…eventually. Meanwhile she has me reading the book called “Child Of The Self Absorbed”. I got to peek at it on amazon and at 12 bucks this could be my road to salvation. Finding my “self” and understanding the damage that was done and how to MOVE ON! that was way too easy to type, move on. I bet it wont be as easily accomplished but like I said earlier I love a good challenge.
Thanks for listening to my drivel if you managed to get through all of that. I figured if I tried to make it a two part I probably wouldn’t have gotten around to part two and left ya hanging so I’m sorry if this dragged on more than necessary. This post is more for myself than for anybody else. recording and letting go of this summer in one post is not easy for me. I almost just shut it down, but then I started typing and couldn’t stop and now am reminded of how much it really does help being here reading your blog posts and posting my own. my own piece of it all. kinda like I matter or something